TO ALL OF MY SINGLE FRIENDS ON VALENTINE'S DAY

(And this was inspired and prompted by our "single and so ready to mingle if only he weren't such a coward" online editor...)

If you don't have a date today but would like one (like deep down inside you wish you had a date but you're trying to play it off as if you don't but you really do cuz whatever people say about single people being awesome on valentine's day and you being able to save and do what you want because you're unattached and all of that self-empowering shit... let me tell you now...

It's just not true.

Valentine's day is a day for couples to be cooler than usual. There is no room for single people today.

So if you don't wanna be left out, I'll tell you the same advice I gave our colleague...

"Get on your goddamn facebook and post something like 'It's almost 6 o clock, and I still don't have a date. Anyone wanna be my valentine?' or if you wanna retain some sort of pride, you can post something that goes 'Not that I don't have plans or anything but I was just wondering if anybody wanted to go out with me later.' --- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING???!!!!

Though he argued that he was the type to pursue just one particular pre-destined target, I simply replied, "Dude, do you think you can catch more fish with one fishing rod or if you cast a huge-ass fucking net? That's why they call fb a social NETwork. And it's the biggest net you've got."

I think Confucius said that.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, Y'ALL!!!

......

Nah but seriously...

Single people should date their bestfriends. (Not fuck em, ok? That's not what Valentine's is about and I don't encourage it.)

But if your bestfriend doesn't wanna go out with you or has other plans, go out with a facebook friend and see if the friendship feels different and more genuine online than in person. =)

That would make a great case study.