TIGER PARENTING

Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior by Amy Chua.

Here are just a few excerpts:

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle.

The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable—even legally actionable—to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, "Hey fatty—lose some weight." By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of "health" and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image.

Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.

Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

.......

I may have been raised in the West but I was definitely raised by the East. We may have had more freedom to exercise many of our childhood liberties living in America, but within the very core of our seemingly liberal family was rooted the one value (if not the most Eastern of values) that gave what we did meaning and purpose: Honor.

My sisters and I lived by a code: "Never dishonor the family." That pretty much defined our entire upbringing. Though yes, we were allowed to fail. We were allowed to f*ck up. We were allowed to experience the world and to gain insights of our own. We were allowed to get into fights, go to slumber parties, clubs, bars, whatever. But we were never to bring dishonor. We could fight for our family, defend each member, get into a hair-pulling, bitch-slapping, court-deliberating mess... but we were never to dishonor our family. And that may be hard to explain... just what "honor" really means... but I suppose it was so deeply rooted, it didn't need a definition. It became simply a way of life.

And how you had to be indebted to your parents? Totally. Maybe not in a psychotic you owe your parents your lives type of way but definitely, "utang na loob" was another concept we upheld. Personally, as I was more liberal than conservative, I hated the concept so much, I ended up shunning help and charity. It made me feel useless.

Now we knew when we brought dishonor.

It was like a dark cloud that loomed above you. Not aggressive or condescending or loud or demeaning. It was almost like an awkward silence... a held breath... flushing molecules... the color of shame painted with the delicate brushstroke of a look, a batted eye.

They were invisible knives that harakiri'd your disgraceful ass for you.

It's awful.

.....

I suppose one could say that Tiger Parents are Tough Lovers.

Even my own parents now are too afraid to argue with me when I'm reprimanding my daughter. They understand and respect my role as disciplinarian... and perfectionist. I want a perfect child. Funny, yes. Cute, fo sho. Loving, mos def. But perfect.

So yes, I am a tiger parent... mostly. That's what I grew up to be... in a way. Nay, not a tiger. A lion.

That's my animal counterpart according to my daughter (though sometimes she gets confused and just calls me "sexy" furrealz). Paolo is a monkey. She is a rabbit. (While my little sister Roni INSISTS she is a unicorn, hahahaha!)

Can I be any scarier? =P