ON MY HOPES OF BECOMING THE NEXT unDESPERATE HOUSEWIFE OF QC

To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want.

Maybe it's because of "Desperate Housewives" and "The Real Housewives" franchise that's made post-modern, self-righteous feminists all over the world believe that wanting to make a career out of being a housewife is so sad and revolting of a goal. Maybe people think all housewives are these repressed, good-for-nothing women who drink daquiris all day and flirt with the pool boy. I could see why people may find that sad.

Now on the other hand, I have very high hopes of becoming a housewife someday. More than becoming the next tech-savvy Anna Wintour.

Because being a housewife is the most challenging thing I think any woman (or man) can pursue. Many people may be called housewives or househusbands, but very few are actually very good at it.

I want to learn to cook. I want to bake muffins. I want to crochet and make pillows and clean my bathroom and make the bed and prepare food in lunchboxes and casserole dinners and walk around my house and do the chores naked. I want to be the one thing my family looks forward to at the end of their long grueling day.And I want to do all of these things, not out of some obligation or because I'm chasing that next promotion or that paper. I want to do it because it makes me a f*cking saint. (Yeah, I said it). I want to provide that comfort, that solace, that security for my loved ones who need it. Otherwise, they'll want to find it somewhere else... like the local bar or a friend's house. And that just sucks.

I know it's not practical right now to want that. But I hardly think it's sad. And for women who say it's sad, well... that's probably because they're ugly and single and want to sour-grape about how being single and independent and free is awesome and they want to be career-driven because they think it'll substitute and justify the sad state they've so convinced themselves to live that it's more important and fulfilling to compete in a man's world than nourish the world we were given the privilege to attend to - our homes.

I'm saving up to become a housewife. And anyone who thinks and says "it's sad" SUCKS SALTY BALLS. Not as if your goals are better unless you wanna be a missionary or something. Sorry if a life of servitude is so pathetic to people these days. Stupid corporate hipsters, think they've got it all figured out.

I'm gonna let Julia Stiles school your asses the way she did Julia Roberts.