OLD HOLLYWOOD on a STARRY NIGHT

                                My bridesmaids will look like this at my wedding.


                                                 Roni as Elizabeth Taylor

                                                  Mika as Marilyn Monroe

                                               Paula as Katherine Hepburn

                                                                                Monique (my sister-in-law) as Judy Garland


                                                        .........................

And because I give good face...

                                       I will channel Rita Hayworth (f*ck yeah)


                                                  .................................

The theme/motif:

                                                Van Gogh's Starry Night


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According to my bridalbook account... I have 82 weeks and 1 day until my wedding date. (It's funny when I think about it... or that I actually have an account ---it was Pao's idea, seriously--- since I'm already married. And I'm happy. Weird. I think I just like the fact that I'm planning an awesome ass "party" that actually getting married... again. Not exactly a devout catholic, obviously though I do hope God doesn't hold that against me. I'm happy being civilly married. Finally got my new signature down. Breezing through the day to day. Doing very homey-homebody things with my husband and our kid. Doing the normal stuff. The fulfilling stuff. The stuff dreams are made of.

But still, there's a wedding I have to plan and I might as well make it frikkin' amazing. Practical but amazing. =P

Now I'd only come to finalize this theme just after I'd gotten engaged last Christmas and had to choose what I really wanted lest me and my fickle-mind accidentally steal my little sister's own wedding theme. (She'd have killed me. =) I know weddings and brides in general want to tend to look like their most natural but there's something so classically and beautifully enchanting about the old hollywood era that even though it may not look like the no-makeup-makeup-look... it's definitely one look we secretly wish we looked like the moment we got out of bed. And it was more than just a look... it was an air. A grace. A subdued elegance. Quiet yet powerful femininity. And to think there was no photoshop back then. They just looked... INCREDIBLE... with their false lashes and their finger-curled wavy hair and their deep set eyes.

Man these old hollywood girls could "smeyes" the shit of Tyra.

Of course the men will look old hollywood DAPPER. Clark Gable, James Dean. Exuding cool without even trying.

I chose Starry Night because it was honestly and incredibly, the first image that popped into my head as I tried to desperately describe and clearly articulate the colors I wanted ----- deep, dark blues, gold and silver, like a wedding in the midnight sky type wedding. And since me and my husband's more memorable encounters always occurred some time after midnight.

I thought it would be fitting.


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Now I need me some money so I can turn this sh*t into a frikkin' reality. =P

On that note, I better get back to work.

(Psst, Mika? These are my final plans, k? Hahahahaha! Don't forget I get dibbs on that Pronovias grecian dress at your wedding. Just figure out how you're gonna channel Marilyn Monroe cuz she's my favorite. =)

WHAT IT FEELS LIKE FOR A GIRL

Girls can wear jeans, cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, 'cause it's okay to be a boy. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading. But secretly you’d love to know what it’s like, wouldn’t you? What it feels like for a girl. - Charlotte Gainsbourg



HERE'S TO INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S MONTH and to all of the beautiful women I know, admire, and love.

BRING YOUR KID TO WORK DAY

My daughter's nanny took her leave today to catch her kids' graduation... so I had to bring Psyche along for the day. (Tomorrow is Paolo's turn... I'd like to see how he fairs. =)

Right now, she is at the park with our new editorial assistant, Mary Rose (yes, I can wield that kind of power MUAHAHAHAHAHA!) But before that, she was doing this:



It's from my MADONNA: Celebration DVD (that features ALL of Madonna's videos). She likes the videos "like a prayer," "open your heart," "cherish," and disturbingly, "justify my love."

I have five more hours til we go home. *gulps*

Hair is Memory

                                                                    Three years worth


......

Here's to long hair and remembering.

WHAT I WANT FOR MY 28TH

..............


A place I don't have to clean up after, a fridge full of alkie, my crazy sisters, my down-to-get-smashed friends (ruth and dianna, I have yet to have the pleasure =), with the addition of my official drinking buddy, my husband... and that party jenga drinking game.

Lest I forget. But it's been a while since I've had one of those crazy house parties... except you don't have it at your house. =)

You're All I Need

My husband and I (well, before he became my husband) once played this little game when we were soaking it up in Boracay. See, the bar we chose to hangout at played nothing but straight up old school Rnb all throughout the afternoon... so he and I thought we'd name the songs that used them as samples whilst drinking our beers and vegging on our beach beds.

And that was just another example of music bringing people together. Music and alcohol and the beach.

(F*ck I can't wait til April.)

Anyhow...

In case y'all missed it...

This was my absolute favorite Motown rendition:



(And if you notice, there's a part where J.Lo wanted to go off but she got the lyrics wrong. =)

Also since it was sampled in one of my favorite hip-hop throwbacks:

We Will Not Grow Old

Been watching a lot of wedding videos lately.

*shrugs*

I find myself wanting to cry in each one of them. Seriously. They're all so moving especially when the bride or groom starts choking on their words in the middle of their vows, voices cracking from all the emotion causing a bottleneck in their throats. I start getting the vapors and thinking about how my own vows will go and what song I'd want my video to have... except they keep playing that "Marry Me" song out by that dude who sang "Hey Soul Sister" and it's getting to be real annoying. (Waffle, I know you dedicated this song to me in one of our daily youtube link exchange emails and I found it real nice at first but the whole "if I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe" part is just so... What. The...?)

But I don't think there's such an example of a bad wedding video. There are just a lot of really great ones. And I think it has a lot to do with the song. But that's just me.


So this was one song used in one of the videos I saw and I thought it was nice. =)



Oh, we've got a long, long way to go
To get there
We'll get there
But oh, if there's one thing that we know
It's that we will not grow old


........

Here's to 1 year and 5 months.

A Very Long Engagement

First saw this movie when I was a college senior... only saw it again last night with the husband (as he poured me a glass of beer).

Mathilde (Audrey Tautou) who searched relentlessly for her fiance, Manech (Gaspard Ulliel) after he left to fight for the French during WWI...



....

The digital age has nothing on this kind of dedication.

On Parents Who Hate Parenting

The latest trend?

You know... all I can say about kids is...

They may be fulfilling... but they are certainly not everything.

And once you realize that the latter being otherwise is a highly medieval and impractical concept, only then can you begin to appreciate the true wonder and amazement of being a parent. That it is different and full of sacrifice and juggling and working around things and budgeting and splitting yourself and your time and control and a lot of other stuff you probably did on some other level with some other aspect of your life, one time or another but just awesome once you get the hang of it. But not surprisingly, it's what happens when you take on anything --- something has to give. And I mean, shit... even Jesus irked people with his presence despite his godliness and all of his miracles. Your kids are not saints all day everyday (the closest probably is when they're asleep, looking like cute ass angelic cherubs). But then again, neither are you.

And that's ok.

Once you've accepted that it's ok, then you can go back to being human and not live within the socially misconstrued mores of being "mother" and "father." I mean, we're supposed to be a more "sophisticated" people in this day and age, but that doesn't mean we are incapable of finding absolute divine beauty in something/someone despite the earthly demands and responsibilities that come with it.

Did that make sense?

Anyhow, I like this picture.

                                               *caption: Bad mommy.

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Besides, kids are funny. And if you allow them your kids can become your bestest friends.

SOLILOQUY

When you've made as many mistakes and have had as many mishaps (ok they were more like misadventures, really) as I have... you realize that all of the things you've been "MIS"-ing have the beautifully dialectical and paradoxical ability to show you what you truly ARE missing.

.....

I saw on TV there was this famous marriage councilor Sharon Wolfe who's been getting sh*t for her marriage failing. Apparently, she's written all these books about marriage and how to make it last and what not. When asked what she would like to tell those who've purchased her books, she simply replied that everything she wrote in those books, all the advice... are good advice.

And I believe her, you know? (But I'm not about to buy her book or anything.)

Now I dunno how that paragraph has any relation to the first paragraph but basically all I'm saying is I knew what I wanted when I got married.

Ok maybe it would be more appropriate to say that I realized it. Because I suppose I've always known what I wanted. Every girl does. At the very basic, you want to be treated like a frikkin' princess. You DON'T wanna be treated like shit. You want someone who actually makes it a point to show you that they enjoy your company. You DON'T want someone who booty calls you at 2am. You want someone who's proud to show you off and introduce you to everybody. You DON'T want someone who makes you hide in the bathroom when his mom is coming. You want someone who treats you with respect and sees you as a contemporary. You DON'T want someone who accuses you of relationship sabotage and threatens to bail out on you whenever you have a disagreement or you voice out an opinion. So for every "don't" want, there's a "do" want. Of course those "DON'Ts" didn't have to happen but they did (and strangely, while they were happening, they were somehow a good idea at the time, I don't know why)... so when all of the things I did want finally did happen, nay "happening" ...

It just became all the more clear.

                               Yes, our bands have "WAFFLE" engraved in them.

.....

And I just realized how completely outtanowhere and nonsensical that all was.

That's what happens when I literally speak my mind.

Thankful...

That I have a partner who still asks me out on “dates” and preserves the random roses I give him in between the pages of a book... and enjoys going down on me (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I HAD to put it out there cuz I'm seriously grateful for that sh*t =)

 

That I have friends who take the time to advise me, patronize me, email me, text me, call me. Hell, even send me a card thru snail mail. And that I didn’t need a Facebook to touch people’s lives… and let them touch mine.

 

That I have a sister who trusts to ask for my help with her thesis on Facebook stalking (I feel so important and needed and intelligent) and who asks to go out with me to get a drink… because I’m the coolest person to drink with and she’s the coolest to drink with and we’re both just so cool to drink with.

 

That I have a sister who a lot of other girls want to be (Ie. from one girl I know, “I wanna become a flight attendant. I wanna grow up to be just like Mika. She’s so glamorous, traveling and all. And engaged.”) The best part though is, she’s got the kindest soul EVER. (When she’s not hissing and being a bitch =)

 

That I have a sister and a brother-in-law who literally say what they mean, and mean what they say. Seriously. They’ve got this whole formal-dialectics about their manner of speech, it’s amazing. Makes you want to bust out some old-english just to keep up.

 

That my colleagues at work guzzle “hatorade” just like me.

 

That my parents respect and admire the way I’ve raised my daughter.

 

That my daughter… is AWESOME.

What if...

                                     Him and Me back in Ateneo and UPLB

***I wonder how it would've been if I had been the one he was texting, saying something like, "Hey, I can't wait to see you" ... or if he had been the one I was smiling at as I sat across from him at my favorite LB coffee shop.

I was so far away... he couldn't find me. *sigh*

....

On a less nostalgic note, I think my new signature is coming along nicely. Just need a few more sheets of paper and practice... though I do still tend to introduce myself using my "maiden" name. (Guess I'm not a maiden anymore. =)

From one wife to another.

I've come to realize that instead of marriage being about so many subtractions such as loss of free will.. costs more money now that you have a family etc... its really all about the additions to your life. Yes you had all this freedom, yes you may have had more money, and yes you probably had a lot of crazy adventures.. but we are all looking for the same thing in the end... someone that is your friend, a companion, and your ride or die bonnie and clyde sort of guy.... marriage adds a partner, that teaches you to appreciate such things we take for granted, such as watching reruns of law and order on the dvr, the extra hour of just laying in bed cuddling before your alarm buzzes, or having someone turn on the porch lights for you before you come home. Like paolo said, its the silence in the noise and I'm so glad you found a man that knows what that means. Most of all, I'm glad that psyche found a "papa" that truly epitomizes that role. I know as a mom you want to give her the world, and what's best, and that means a stable family... you have given her that with paolo and that little girl deserves the best.

Marriage won't be easy, but you'll get as much as you put in. When the going gets tough... just realize that no matter what happens, when thoughts invade your mind if you met the right guy etc... it doesn't matter if you change the "players", it will still be the same problem if you don't work things out.  Love him for his faults and all.

---From my lovely and great friend, Ruth... who emailed these words of wisdom (and more) using her phone and all the way from Cali.

MY MAN.

What's in a name...?

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet...

Right???

....

I have to start practicing how to write my new signature with my new last name.

And today, it was decided that I would hyphenate my last name only for work purposes: article by-line, calling cards, media invites... anything career-related... as my Callanta identity should remain intact.

All the other legal document stuff, I'll gladly stick with a middle initial.

*sigh*

My cursive sucks balls. I gotta figure out a way to seamlessly connect Michelle with Toledo without lifting the pen.

Practice starts tonight. =P

NOISE by (my husband =) Paolo Toledo

Our love grew in silence.

Those quiet moments away and unseen from all of you. Away from the uploads and updates. Far, far, away from all the hearsay and face value. Hidden from the flashing lights, hazy rooms, and blaring music. Kept safe from lip service. It did not happen for the sake of your entertainment.

MEET THE WAFFLES <------- Prenuptial photos taken by (at the rate she's going, our "family" photographer) Dianna Jeraldine Capco. (Because kindness and passion, hand-in-hand, never gets old, yeah? =)

To my husband, confidant, contemporary, lover, and friend:

I wanna break every clock
The hands of time could never move again
We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)
For the rest of our lives

REVOLUTIONIZING MARRIAGE

***God that title just sounds so pretentious, doesn't it??? (I'm a self-proclaimed guru and I don't give a f*ck cuz I'm getting married in less than a week furrealz and I just wanna throw it out there.)

Now...

If this post had a soundtrack, it would be (hands fucking down), “Sometimes” by the Brand New Heavies.

‘Cause I wanna talk about a revolution y’all.

…

One of the first lessons I ever really liked (and that actually ever mattered) as a student of Sociology (and Life, if I may take it to some pseudo-profound level) was Durkheim’s postulation; that Freedom was “to not be controlled by your individual passions.”

The whole time I thought I was exercising my freedom…

I was actually, willingly (and with almost a sickening happiness), enslaving myself.

And I know a lot of you can relate when I say:

I was a slave to alcohol, a slave to my friends, a slave to the cool, a slave to the bandwagon, the drama, the melodrama. I was a slave to the hope of finding someone, anyone to love and love me back. I was a slave to the thrill of the chase. To the hunt. To the damsel in distress. I was a slave to my own preconceived definition of love --- that it had to always keep you on your toes, that it had to be hard and painfully sweet and bitter and hurtful, the type of love where punches had to be thrown and hands had to bleed from the long, merciless “I hate you” letters and the “I’m so sorry” letters and the “Why can’t you love me the way I want you to” letters and the “thank you for loving me despite my hating you” letters. But worst of all, I was a slave to the comforting and empowering idea that everything I did… was because I was free to do it.

…

Consider this the last few days of proverbial freedom.

I am quite honestly up to my neck in work and Psyche has yet to confidently discern the difference between the letters “b” and “d,” “p” and “q” --- which I find annoyingly, though unreasonably, frustrating.

But I mean, this is as real as it gets. And I might not have pictured it so when I was young and carefree and living a life that lived on very temporary and superficial pleasure principles. Now I choose substance over pleasure. (I always found being a woman of substance an absolutely alluring title). Subdued elegance over bold profession.  To not just want things… but to choose them… and enter boldly into its realm of consequences. To have a life that required so many roles you can actually play all at the same time, only this time, I made it without just myself in mind.

So maybe it doesn’t really seem all that overwhelming, being married… to bear the inescapable “ball and chain”(though HELL YEAH I’m excited about “the wedding” and just straight partying it up old Hollywood style with my favorite people)… when really, I will only be reaffirming my position to spend the rest of my life with just one person. And when you’ve actually lived with someone and have gone through the mundane day-to-day stuff (like he knows my quirks and how I enjoy back rubs and how I like my tuna and eggs and I know when he and I are getting annoyed at one another, we tend to sort of turn up the volume and the sharpness of our tones while still trying to desperately stifle the escalating cattiness until we both sort of just hold each other or kiss or leave little notes around to find… a means to diffuse the situation… among many other things that don’t get as noticed as wild professions and grand gestures of love do) and gotten through the inevitable differences that come with simply being two individuals without killing each other nor losing respect for one another, getting married doesn’t seem all that big a deal. I mean, it is. Shit. Anything with “til death doing you part” and “lifetime” stamped on it is A BIG FUCKING DEAL. But I guess, we shouldn’t put so much pressure on ourselves, on the social construct and required morals of “marriage” and love and all the good stuff that’s supposed to be good but turns out bad because of EXPECTATION aka "the relationship killer."

Sometimes, you just gotta do right. To be happy.

It’s as simple as that. 

On that note... I shall exercise the last few bits of my freedom (as will he) during our bachelor/bachelorette parties  later tonight. =P

...... Talkin' 'bout a revolution, or maybe just a change of mind
Working on my constitution, I began to realize
I've been doin' wrong forever, trouble was my favorite game, yeah
Breakin' hearts I thought was so clever
But, I'm the one who got hurt playin'.

I never could see it comin', no
Never could feel it 'til its come and gone
But, all of that don't mean nothin', no
When you're all alone

Sometimes you gotta do right to be happy
One time you gotta believe in what you feel inside
Sometimes you gotta do right to find happiness
Sometimes, sometimes

(Gotta do right, cha gotta do right, ahh sometimes)
You're lookin' at a transformation
That's brought about a change in me
Love's a brand new situation, never have I felt so free

'Cause I can see it comin' - yeah
And I can feel it callin' louder. Now
Lovin' is so rewarding - yeah
When you let it out

Sometimes you gotta do right to be happy
One time you gotta believe in what you feel inside
Sometimes you gotta do right to find happiness
Sometimes, sometimes

For those in perpetual search of "The Missing Piece"

I bid thee... SING.

Until nothing is missing... and you find someone to roll with.