INCEPTION AND WHY EXES SUCK.

I've recently gotten into this sort of "inception" craze after watching the movie. (Don't worry, I won't spoil it and say that Leonardo dies in the end, hahahahaha!!! Ok, I'm kidding. Or... am I?)

But that's not the point.

Basically, I've been thinking of ways to "incept" people... even though I think the whole "giving em the idea and making em think the idea came from them" concept isn't anything new especially for someone who is pretty familiar with the tools of "muhneepoolayshun."

I mean... I AM a WOMAN.

And men make the BEST test subjects, don't they?

Such poor, hapless creatures. Hahahaha! (I'm kidding. Ok, I'm not. But I said it so it wouldn't seem like I immediately and completely believed that. =)

It does, however, make me want to go back to school to take my masters and doctorate in Sociology just to do an entire dissertation on it.

Or maybe I can just do a sociological study on why current girlfriends don't like ex-girlfriends with the thesis statement:

"Ex-girlfriends and their correlation to the deteriorating moral foreground of society"

*chuckles*

I know way too many girls who would have a field day with THAT thesis. (Might even become a best-seller. =)

Then again, perhaps ex-girlfriends think the same of their ex's NEW girlfriends, too, telling their friends how the new girl is either too fat or too skinny or wears too much mascara and *gasps* fake lashes, among other typically normal ramble spawned from the the very bitterness of their demised relationship. (Except me. I could care less about my exes new chicks. Sh*t. I pride myself in being "the one who got away" in their miserable, insignificant little lives. Hahahaha! I'm a dick. =)

Taken from:

http://www.myprivateramblings.com/the-exs-new-girlfriend/

I am shall we say perhaps being a bit unreasonable.  I will concede to that fact.  I can be an unreasonable person, and frankly, I think I’m entitled to that right.  As the ex, you have to hate your ex’s new girl/ boyfriend. Why? Cause they’re horribly imperfect. Hell, they’ll never be as smart or as cute as you are; your ex has just found him/ herself some mere shadow of you to help him/ her get over you.  I actually scare my ex’s new girlfriend (”Yeah, go figure,” she says with a grin.) And you know why? Cause I’m perfect—she’s intimidated by the glow of my perfection.  Bow down, you mere second choice.

What I’m loving right now is that my ex’s new girlfriend is a solid seven inches shorter than me.  That wee little leprechaun.  I consider this height issue to be a definite indication that she’s not making the marks in other areas.  I’ve nicknamed her “Shorty”.  She loves this as it constantly reminds her of her flaws and more importantly, it reminds her of her place (below me).  I’ve never been so grateful to Mom for some great genes.

Right now, the thing I’m having a huge problem with is anger management.  It’s particularly hard to control when I go over to my ex’s place and the new “thing” has left me some little reminder that she is occupying what used to be my space.

“Oh is this Cindy’s toothbrush?” I innocently called to my ex from the bathroom.  An affirmative answer found me flushing the head in the toilet.  A little swirly action.  While this may seem like a cruel act, it’s actually recommended by four out of five dentists to prevent tooth decay.  Something about the toilet chemicals cleaning your gums.  I read a study once.

Wow, it’s amazing how one perfectly normal person can get so scary.  I’ll probably look back at this in 6 months and laugh my ass off.  Of course, I may be laughing from the local jail and it may be Week 1 of a 50 year sentence. That said, I guess by Week 9, when Large Marge is trying to climb on top of me, the whole thing might not be so damn funny.

I don’t know, I really want to freak out my ex’s new girlfriend.  I think next time I’m around her, I’m going to swivel around in my chair and scream “The Power of Christ compels you! The Power of Christ compels you!”  Option B is to start obsessively stroking my ex’s arm and muttering “My Precious. No one takes My Precious.  Nasty little leprechaun trying to take MY PRECIOUS.”

I bet by now, you’re all thanking God that you’re not my ex’s new girlfriend (this might be particularly true if you’re a guy).  Hey, don’t get weak on me; she brought it on herself.  She met me before she got involved with my ex, and she made the mistake of interpreting me as a reasonable, relatively sane human being.  Oops, the innocent looks fooled her.  May she learn to make better judgment calls in the future.

I will, in the meantime, be lighting her shoes on fire.

Does cheap plastic burn?

Hold on, we’re about to find out…

* This is a joke.  I do not actually want to see my ex’s new girlfriend’s head detached from her body.  She is, after all, not that cute; she may be hideous without a head.  That said, please do not pull a Jodie Foster/ John Hinckley thing on me.  I do not consider homicide a means by which to impress me. (Consider this my legal disclaimer)

**  I have no money. I could give you no money for the whole head/ platter thing.  Similar to *, this is just a joke.

I thought this was hilarious. =)


.........

But this goes out to my kindred retrogressive souls:


How Much Do You Hate Your Partner's Ex?

http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/how-much-do-you-hate-your/

"Ex-girlfriend", "Ex-boyfriend". Probably some of the most despised words in the history of mankind.

Exes are routinely detested, purely on the basis that they shared *something* with your partner, once upon a time. Your partner will categorically despise your exes, too, on the same basis, yet you fail to understand why they have an issue with someone you stopped loving long, long ago (if you ever DID love them in the first place).

Allow me to embellish from a personal perspective.

I despise all of L's exes. Of course, when we first met, we were able to laugh about our past encounters without it cutting out the very crux of our souls. It didn't feel like a dagger was being stabbed into the pit of my stomach when he mentioned an ex. We even talked about how annoying it was that prospective partners hated exes, and how pathetic it truly was.

Because it IS pathetic. Why do we harbour such issues with people from our lover's past? Why can't we see them as people who effectively led them to us, taught them what they did and didn't want from a relationship, and gave us some life experience?

Would you really want your lifelong partner to be a total virgin? I personally think I'd see that as more of a threat than someone having a track record of utter whoredom. They would have no idea what they were missing, which is far more dangerous than a few memories of a failed relationship (or six).

To be fair, L's exes only ever matter to me when I have a severe case of PMT. Otherwise, I can see it from a mature, sensible perspective. I prefer to look forward than to dwell on the past. Having said that, I would wish them all dead were it not for the fact that, had he not dated them, he would no doubt be a different person than the man he is today.

It's standard procedure for girls to slate each others' boyfriend's exes. If you're out with one of your girlfriends, and she points out a girl that once dated her current beau, you take on her perspective and whittle that girl down to an absolute minger. Even if she's stunning, you both comment that, in fact, she has a rather large arse/smaller boobs/frizzier hair.

And if there's nothing physical about her to dis (i.e. she undeniably resembles a far more perfect version of Claudia Schiffer), you conclude that she clearly has an IQ of 14/the personality of a fried beetle/a vile character, with a track record of seventy-five past shags and hence has contracted every STD under the sun.

I care little for any of my exes. I barely even remember anything about them. None of them matter anymore. The only one I even have any respect for is J, because he's a good person, and that should cause no concern for the love of my life.

Quite simply because when I found out J had a new woman in his life, I physically jumped for joy, and I wish absolutely nothing but the best for them. I'd happily attend his wedding and see his first-born without even a pang of envy. And looking back at my history, there are no "what-ifs", no regrets whatsoever.

And yet, I bet his girlfriend categorically despises me. I bet my name can't be mentioned in her presence. And I don't blame her. I don't matter: I'm part of his history as he's part of mine, but I could never pose a threat to her in any sense.

But we can never see these things objectively.

It's a shame.

.......


Ok. For purposes of this blog... I will whip out something I did when I was in college... to an ex-girlfriend of my then-boyfriend.


I made a fucking collage of her ugly face.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


ok.

It was an immature thing to do.

Hell, it was just downright MEAN... and I have no idea why I despised her so much (well, maybe because my ex cheated on me with her and I only found much later) or why I dedicated so much time hating her when she was never actually mean to me. If anything, she should have been the one mad at me for "stealing" her boyfriend from her but whatever... I feel kinda sorta terrible about it now...

But man, the stupid shit girls do sometimes. *winks*

.......

Now about that whole "incepting" people's minds thing..