Green Eyed Monster

Because I, too, am a jealous girlfriend... far from perfect... with the occasional pseudo-psychotic lapses and quasi-bi polar episodes... who needs to masochistically self-deprecate and second-guess and just straight up b*tch in the most illogical, unreasonable, irrational manner possible because...

There's a warm fuzzy feeling you get when you're being pacified, comforted, and reassured. (And that just made me sound like a sadistic f*cker but hey hey hey, who the Hell isn't sometimes, huh?)

So today I will admit that I am not perfect. And that I can be very mean and absolutely unfair. And that my partner deserves better from me because he gives ME better (if not the best)... and you should give what you get whilst getting what you give.


.....
.....

Now my boyfriend doesn't really smile upon my wanting to always divulge our private lives... but... he doesn't really have a say in the matter (LOL!)... and since I think I shouldn't be afraid to admit to my own faults and my own weaknesses and show (despite what strong, indefeasibly self-righteous person people may perceive me to be) that he is my strength and a great source of insight.

Ergo insight of the century... (I'm sorry, Mr. Waffle... but you take my breath away... and make me feel more stupid than I already am but in a good way --- and I don't mind admitting this to the whole of the world because the world deserves to know how awesome you are and how lucky I am --- and the way you pacify, comfort and reassure me is absolutely... humbling. =)



***Response to another one of my bi-polar episodes via offline YM message.

1) Why do you call me the biggest weirdo ever? 2) Why are you cowed? I do not intend you to be... 3) I WASN'T LIKE THIS. I DID NOT LOVE LIKE THIS BEFORE. YOU ARE NOT GETTING A HAND-ME-DOWN (and yes, how dare YOU say that). YOU ARE GETTING AN EXCLUSIVE, LIMITED EDITION, FIRST ISSUE. 4) I did not want you to sign up for competition...I didn’t either....and don’t I always stress that it shouldn’t be a competition? You aren't competing with anyone but yourself...but if it's worth anything, I’d bet on you to love me the best 5) that's all I can ask for and all that I want and need...for you to love me like you know how to...how you choose to....and you will NEVER fall short in my eyes and in my heart... if you do fall, you've already established such a change and a lead that falling would be inconsequential because how can you fall short when YOU have set the bar...you're both the exception and the standard to which the world must put itself against....and THEY will fall short....6) every time I hear you talking about quitting or breaking up...or wanting such things....and not loving me or wanting me....it weakens me....but it NEVER lessens my love for you....and it’s the type of weakness that makes me drop into submission of how much I love you...and DOESN’T mean that I won’t be strong for you 7) how can I love them better if I choose you...I can't love them better because it’s you who deserves my love...come to think of it....my past were all trials...it's more logical that everything was a trial to prepare me for you… you who I want to and choose to be the endpoint...the happy ending...the conclusion....the great love that conquers and obliterates all loves… and these things are what YOU SHOULD REMEMBER during an episode. Kill the episodes. Outgrow them. Beat them. That is your challenge. They do no good for anyone, especially you. Please. I'm telling you...no, pleading you....what to do. Firm, but with such love.

....

I am going to print this and paste it on my wall and read it over and over until I get it thru my thick skull that I should stop being psycho and just fucking believe that my fiance loves me and that I should love him just the same.

Shit, this is gonna be hard, hahahaha!!! But hey, the things you do for love, right? =P

(This goes for you, too, missy.)