Why we fall out of love

Because I'm a sucker for these types of articles: CLICK HERE

After reading the article, I realized (like most gullible suckers), that what it said WAS ABSOLUTELY SO F*CKING TRUE. And it got me to thinking --- like you know how they say, you can't really appreciate joy unless you've felt pain or how joy and pain come from the same well and depth is the same for both OR SOME SH*T LIKE THAT --- I figured, if you know what it is that makes you fall out of love, then you can know how to fall back in it. And to stay in it.

Riiiiiiight?

So...

1. A distancing “Wave” can topple a good thing if you let it.
Man, I never knew it was called a "Wave." I always thought, after finally admitting this to myself, that it was more like a deliberate relationship sabotage. When we "unconsciously push a caring and available person away by inwardly diminishing his or her worth" <--------- I think this is what most people are guilty of doing. At least I'm totally guilty of this. It's kinda like putting someone down so you can feel better about yourself... and in my case, so you won't have to face your own faults and shortcomings. It's easier to just say, "he was too nice" or to even go as far as to translate "niceness" for "neediness." I mean gosh, now that I think about it, breaking up with a guy because he was "too nice" IS SO DUMB. (Btw, to the nice guys I've broken up with back in the day... I'm sorry. I thought bad was good then. The hell did I know.)

Just to continue my linear thinking, let me skip on over to number 3. People change or get bored with each other.

Sometimes, after you've "inwardly diminished your partner's worth" ---whether you consciously do so or not--- you tend find reasons that'll seal the deal... that'll make you incompatible... or as in most divorces, give you a reason to check "irreconcilable differences" in the "reasons for divorcing multiple choice checkbox." I mean, how many types of differences are there in this world that are "irreconcilable"? Are there THAT many things one can't reconcile with someone they've promised to spend the rest of their life with? Ok, I'm totally giving that some serious thought but going back, I think... only boring people get bored. Now if your partner say, isn't as outgoing as you are or just wasn't as outgoing as he/she used to be, then you either a.) understand what's so fun about being less outgoing (and I don't mean that in a negative way, it just means to be empathetic to a person's changes before you go labeling them, you might be surprised by the logic of that change)... b.) remember that you too have a share and a stake and a say in this union. I mean, if he's/she's boring, doesn't mean you have to be. Sure, it may seem like you're doing all the work looking for awesome shit to do but if you believe your partner is worth it ---like really worth it because you know him like really know him---, then I'm sure you'll reap the rewards only patience and time can offer. Kinda like a delayed gratification of less masochistic martyr levels. (I mean, other than going around chasing other temporary "highs" --- I swear, the boredom and the self-loathing will come crashing down quicker that way).... and c.) which brings us to our final reason:

2. Unwillingness to discuss relationship problems.

I think the key word here is "discuss." I figured this because after reading that, I could argue that I totally discuss my problems. I'm helluh vocal about that shit. But if you read into that reasoning carefully, you'll see that I don't "discuss" ... I "argue." I fight, I whine, I nag, and then I get into this entire mode of self-righteousness why? because I'm smart and I'm right and I get the final say because I'm awesome, and in no way will you ever faze this steel heart. (That's the entire thought process into that.) Of course, on the flipside, there's the "not" talking at all (which my husband does, usually) in hopes that the problems (even just the simple peeves) just... go away. He has this AMAZINGLY ANNOYING way of evading, nay ignoring, me when I want to "discuss" something IE, that discussion usually being an angry monologue on my end. But I guess, as is true with most forms of communication, it requires skill and time to master it, and yeah, more of that patience is a virtue type shit --- and then later on, it becomes an art --- as you carry along, you begin to be more sensitive of the other's quirks, nuances. And it becomes this lovely dance of pushing and pulling, holding your tongue, letting it go, responding with a touch, a kiss, a look and all the other things I can say to wax poetic on the matter rather than this awkward hopping over eggshells, trying to be "polite," distancing oneself until the heart inevitably strays, or simply becoming complacent... and just having a hollow shell of a relationship because it's "convenient" or it's "just there."

Ok that's all I have to say about that. HAHAHAHAHA!

As for the best advice on how to have a long and successful marriage, words of wisdom from Mr. Footloose himself, Kevin Bacon, who's been married to Kyra Sedgwick for over two decades now, he advises: "Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty."

Damn straight, Mr. Bacon.