DELAYED GRATIFICATION IS KEY

Whenever I get bored / tired / frustrated / stressed
(not necessarily all at the same time or in that order)
with work (and the entire concept of working, in general)
and sometimes my love for the job and my love for my colleagues
(not so much my love for the money since I never really cared too much to make a lot of it nor work too hard to make it)
just isn't enough to get me out of that temporary rut,

what keeps me going is the thought of two things:

1.) It won't be long before my husband makes enough money for the both of us. (And I can spend my days grocery shopping and going to the gym and making gourmet meals for dinner and taking the kids to the park and watching Law & Order all day long -----------> basically, just the LUXURY to have more time for the little things, ya know? I think we get so caught up in all these "big, grown-up" things that we never seem to have the time for that simplicity. Haha, the "luxury of simplicity." Who'd have thought?

aaaaaaaaaaannnnnd.....

2.) It won't be long before I move up and into a position where I get to do the SAME WORK that I love to do, get a higher salary, and only have to work FIVE HOURS A DAY --- giving me enough time in a day to reach self-actualization as a career woman... and as a housewife.

***You gotta know what you're doing it all for, right?

I. cannot. f*cking. wait.

But for now...

Modern Family

                        Having these two around just makes me waaaaaay cooler.

"I will hate you till the day I die."

A comment in conversation, a bad-tempered grunt over breakfast, disappears into thin air; five foul-tempered sentences responding to a blog stay there indefinitely.

Why you shouldn't be so quick with a comeback in this day and age.

The internet may have freed us from the bonds of snail mail and wires and just the overall slowness and inefficiency of communication circa pre-digital age but even freedom of speech/expression shouldn't be used so "freely."

Silence, magnanimous civility, and getting their name slightly wrong is best.  <----- This is something I've learned to do as I've gotten older. And though it may not be as interesting of a reaction as my more explosive ones back when I was angst-ridden, melodramatic, and incredibly defensive, frankly, it's also not as draining. And more elegant really.

I almost have to bite back a giggle whenever I find myself being so artfully civil to someone I don't like. (My mature, all-grown-up-I'm-totally-impervious-to-your-annoying-existence outside may say "Hi hello how do you do?" but inside my childish pretty little head, I'm screaming "I WIN! I WIN! nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!!!")

"The Makeup Head"

Wish come true.

The Dragon Lady

YOU ARE AN EARTH DRAGON

You go about your job in a quiet, thoughtful fashion. You may not always agree with others, but you respect their opinions. You are reasonable in your approach to problems. You are diplomatic and slow to anger, but at the same time, you demand respect. These qualities make you an ideal leader and motivator.

F*CK. YEAH.

Friday the 13th #ItsMoreFunInThePhilippines

My colleagues decided to eat dinner at Fridays last Friday the 13th. When I arrived, we decided to move to the bar so there'd be room for me. We were about to find out that Fiery Friday the 13th was about to commence --- ergo --- free shots for anyone in black (or basically anyone just by the bar) and a spicy chicken tender eating contest that would've knocked off 5k from your bill.

And we had front-row seats.

[Be careful, it's a little loud =]

1 year and 3 decades later

They have managed NOT to kill each other. =)

                                                           The look of love.



Happy 31st wedding anniversary to my mom and dad!!! Though you guys weren't exactly the "model couple" growing up... you both showed me a thing or two about endurance, perseverance, and the true meaning of being in it for the "long haul." I am humbled by the stature of your relationship in this crazy world.

Now you two may be crazy... but y'all are certainly NOT boring. Daddy, thank you for choosing mom to be your lawfully wedded wife amidst all the other girls (you playa!) and for being a 21st century father. Mommy, thank you for giving me 3 sisters and 3 friends and bequeathing your beauty and strength and for not leaving us even when daddy sometimes was being what he couldn't help being.. a man.

You two are awesome as f*ck.

PRETTY.

Psyche: Mommy? Am I pretty? Can you put make-up on me so I can be pretty?
Me: I can pretend to put make-up on you. *commences in putting "invisible make-up" on*
Psyche: *bats eyes and caresses face* Am I pretty now Mom?
Me: Of course you are... but you know what'll make you even prettier? If you're smart and you do your lessons in school... and if you're kind and if you have a good heart. Like Cinderella. Then you'll be really beautiful.
Psyche: Ok Mom, I'll do my school and I'll be a good girl...
Me: And... you gotta eat your vegetables and you gotta eat a lot and sleep early so your hair will grow long and you'll be even more beautiful.

(I might as well throw that in there before she's smart enough to realize that last part isn't necessarily true.)

... this is not about me! This is about the self-mutilating circus we have painted ourselves clowns in. About women who will prowl thirty stores in six malls to find the right cocktail dress, but haven’t a clue where to find fulfillment or how to wear joy, wandering through life shackled to a shopping bag, beneath those two pretty syllables.

This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? , ” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer no.

The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters. You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing, but you will never be merely “pretty.” --- Katie Makkai


....

“Proof that you can be adored by thousands of men even when your thighs touch.” - Miley C. defending her weight using a picture of the "size 16" Marilyn Monroe.

                                      When did this stop being the standard of beauty???

And even though I have to constantly remind myself to be strong and secure in order to be an example for my own daughter so she doesn't grow up too involved in how she looks... I can't help but feel guilty sometimes for not being as disciplined, for missing the gym (like this past week, UGH), for having that extra scoop of rice, for checking the scale at least once a week. But then I see Marilyn and that gut and I think "I'd rather have icecream and eat cheetos with Psyche than slave at the gym ANY DAY." (Ok ok, on some days --who am I kidding?--... while she goes to the playground. =)

Psyche tells me I'm sexy all the time. And it's funny now... but her saying it just seems so much more flattering than all the other guys who've called me sexy in my lifetime.

GOOFY at 23

I strode into Building B of the Corp. Office of SM Mall of Asia in my Superstars, a tanktop, a pink cloth headband, and a big, bright orange Nike laptop bag ready to interview the man who brought IMAX, the all-out 3D experience to the Philippines. At first, the security guards thought I was a bit underdressed for my supposed job interview. But when they finally realized that I was there to conduct the interview, I was finally able to meet Mr. Camaligan, the 3D man himself. He struck me as rather down-to-earth and incredibly accommodating (who actually complimented my manner of dress). For a businessman, he didn’t seem too intimidating and I immediately felt at ease in his presence. And though he did revolutionize the way cinema is now being shown, it was evident that it was purely for the love of the service and providing Filipinos with a form of entertainment that would bring us all back to three-dimensional life.

- Sept. 23, 2006 (one of the first interviews I'd done for Gadgets Magazine as an editorial asst.)

I can still remember that interview.

I remember being excited to be "out in the field"...

I remember being happy to be newly single...

I remember getting to watch a 3D movie at IMAX for the first time for free...

I remember the cab driver nice enough to give me his number so he could pick me up afterwards, knowing I lived all the way in the North and barely knew how to commute in Manila then...

I remember the group of young college guys I met by the row of bars along MOA kind enough to invite me to share a few drinks with them (as I waited for my cab)...

I remember one of them giving me the silver crescent moon ring he'd given his ex and returned after she'd broken up with him (ergo their drinking session) as a sign of friendship, even though I'd never see any of them again...

God, I even remember that insanely bold orange laptop bag I lugged around like some techie-backpacker weirdo... and that pink knit headband... and even my Goofy (as in the Disney character) Adidas Superstars (available only in kiddie sizes)...

Now what I don't remember is... when I stopped being so enthusiastic to just go out there, meet new people, and dress like a nerdy provincial kid ready to take on the big, bad city... in her Adidas.

She obviously still had a lot of UPLB in her.

I kinda miss her. She was pretty cool.

.....

Note to self: Must remember where I put my Goofy Adidas.

When good enough is enough

I don't know how it is for most working mothers but for me, there are definitely times where I feel guilty that I can't be there for my daughter as often as I should. That I don't have the luxury to be a full-time housewife or stay-at-home mom because our family and finances require dual-earners (who also happen to be dual-career parents).

Now my daughter's personal yaya is stranded in her hometown, recently devastated by typhoon Sendong... and I find that perhaps taking care of a kid all day isn't exactly the easiest job on earth. And the fact that I have to bring her to my office and keep her preoccupied with disney movies and video games and the occasional writing exercise doesn't make it any less stressful. Sometimes, I wonder how I even have the strength to carry my bag, her bag, our lunch bag, her dvd-games-makeup-notebook-and-everything-else-to-keep-psyche-busy bag AND her all in one go when we get home and I fumble with the keys to open the door only to rush right in to make some Rachel Ray 30-minute meal for dinner.

And then I remember: I'm her mother.

And no matter how busy I am, it's nice to know that I can still take my girl out to the park (during office hours =):

He's too sexy for his shirt...

Before reppin' DAILY GRIND, UNSCHOOLD, and WIPCAPS...

(I take it these were the photos that were stolen around the campus... OR ARE THERE OTHERS I HAVE YET TO FIND!!! Hahahaha! Man. My husband had a very colorful college experience indeed... and he's totally gonna kill me for posting these. Whatevs. He doesn't believe me. But I'm very proud of him and his many accomplishments... even if I can't seem to keep a straight face. =)



                                                  Wow. Look at all those colors.


                                                      Uy pare, bigyan mo na yan.


                                              I have no idea what to say about this.



***Isn't he the cutest thing ever? (And I know he's still gonna kill me though) I think it's cool he was a model back in the day... and up to now. (Not bad, Michelle. Not bad at all. =)

Things to learn in 2012 - No. 4

To dress my daughter better.

And here's attempt no. 1 of this year.

Why we fall out of love

Because I'm a sucker for these types of articles: CLICK HERE

After reading the article, I realized (like most gullible suckers), that what it said WAS ABSOLUTELY SO F*CKING TRUE. And it got me to thinking --- like you know how they say, you can't really appreciate joy unless you've felt pain or how joy and pain come from the same well and depth is the same for both OR SOME SH*T LIKE THAT --- I figured, if you know what it is that makes you fall out of love, then you can know how to fall back in it. And to stay in it.

Riiiiiiight?

So...

1. A distancing “Wave” can topple a good thing if you let it.
Man, I never knew it was called a "Wave." I always thought, after finally admitting this to myself, that it was more like a deliberate relationship sabotage. When we "unconsciously push a caring and available person away by inwardly diminishing his or her worth" <--------- I think this is what most people are guilty of doing. At least I'm totally guilty of this. It's kinda like putting someone down so you can feel better about yourself... and in my case, so you won't have to face your own faults and shortcomings. It's easier to just say, "he was too nice" or to even go as far as to translate "niceness" for "neediness." I mean gosh, now that I think about it, breaking up with a guy because he was "too nice" IS SO DUMB. (Btw, to the nice guys I've broken up with back in the day... I'm sorry. I thought bad was good then. The hell did I know.)

Just to continue my linear thinking, let me skip on over to number 3. People change or get bored with each other.

Sometimes, after you've "inwardly diminished your partner's worth" ---whether you consciously do so or not--- you tend find reasons that'll seal the deal... that'll make you incompatible... or as in most divorces, give you a reason to check "irreconcilable differences" in the "reasons for divorcing multiple choice checkbox." I mean, how many types of differences are there in this world that are "irreconcilable"? Are there THAT many things one can't reconcile with someone they've promised to spend the rest of their life with? Ok, I'm totally giving that some serious thought but going back, I think... only boring people get bored. Now if your partner say, isn't as outgoing as you are or just wasn't as outgoing as he/she used to be, then you either a.) understand what's so fun about being less outgoing (and I don't mean that in a negative way, it just means to be empathetic to a person's changes before you go labeling them, you might be surprised by the logic of that change)... b.) remember that you too have a share and a stake and a say in this union. I mean, if he's/she's boring, doesn't mean you have to be. Sure, it may seem like you're doing all the work looking for awesome shit to do but if you believe your partner is worth it ---like really worth it because you know him like really know him---, then I'm sure you'll reap the rewards only patience and time can offer. Kinda like a delayed gratification of less masochistic martyr levels. (I mean, other than going around chasing other temporary "highs" --- I swear, the boredom and the self-loathing will come crashing down quicker that way).... and c.) which brings us to our final reason:

2. Unwillingness to discuss relationship problems.

I think the key word here is "discuss." I figured this because after reading that, I could argue that I totally discuss my problems. I'm helluh vocal about that shit. But if you read into that reasoning carefully, you'll see that I don't "discuss" ... I "argue." I fight, I whine, I nag, and then I get into this entire mode of self-righteousness why? because I'm smart and I'm right and I get the final say because I'm awesome, and in no way will you ever faze this steel heart. (That's the entire thought process into that.) Of course, on the flipside, there's the "not" talking at all (which my husband does, usually) in hopes that the problems (even just the simple peeves) just... go away. He has this AMAZINGLY ANNOYING way of evading, nay ignoring, me when I want to "discuss" something IE, that discussion usually being an angry monologue on my end. But I guess, as is true with most forms of communication, it requires skill and time to master it, and yeah, more of that patience is a virtue type shit --- and then later on, it becomes an art --- as you carry along, you begin to be more sensitive of the other's quirks, nuances. And it becomes this lovely dance of pushing and pulling, holding your tongue, letting it go, responding with a touch, a kiss, a look and all the other things I can say to wax poetic on the matter rather than this awkward hopping over eggshells, trying to be "polite," distancing oneself until the heart inevitably strays, or simply becoming complacent... and just having a hollow shell of a relationship because it's "convenient" or it's "just there."

Ok that's all I have to say about that. HAHAHAHAHA!

As for the best advice on how to have a long and successful marriage, words of wisdom from Mr. Footloose himself, Kevin Bacon, who's been married to Kyra Sedgwick for over two decades now, he advises: "Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty."

Damn straight, Mr. Bacon.

Things to learn in 2012 - No. 3

To respect his "thang"... and to remember that I have my own. (Couples shouldn't forget that they're still two individuals in the relationship.)

But I let him do his "thang" cuz he looks so good doing it. =P

That's why this sh*t is on loop:

Things to learn in 2012 - No. 2

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

Yeah yeah yeah I know I know. Whatevs.

And here's a throwback:

Things to learn in 2012 - No. 1

For my sister Roni and I to be able to do THIS at Irie Sunday.





and to THIS song:

Jan. 1, 2012

                                                         Why hello there 2012.



And the first time I've ever worn actual nipple tape. =)


(Psst, Ruth. I'm wearing the Bebe dress you gave Roni. Either the dress was too small for her (hence why she gave it to me)... or... and I think this is the real reason, she was too small for the dress. =)

And thank you to Youtube sensation Karmin for inspiring my suicide-roll hairdo and overall 50s look. Looking for and copying pegs is now so much easier to do without having to go to the salon. =)


Happy New Year, y'all!