CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE

It's a Black Saturday today... and I am in a shady internet cafe near East Avenue (man, I haven't been inside one of these in ages!) typing on a greasy keyboard with written letters scotch-taped on the keys (which made it difficult to find the home-row keys, by the way), sitting beside a young boy with red hair playing (what I think he just said) a game called "bitch vs. one piece"... and yeah, I probably heard him wrong but I'm not even gonna bother to have him repeat himself lest he curse me out or something (as that is what he's been doing while throwing his arms in the air after every online explosion.)

But this couldn't wait.

A few months ago, I was asked by a friend and managing editor of Metro Magazine to write an article for their "I-Woman" Section about dating bad guys. Now I didn't know exactly whether to be flattered to be asked to write for such a popular women's magazine... or a bit embarrassed that I was asked to write about something I wasn't exactly super proud about. (I mean, sheesh right? Who wants to relive a traumatizing romantic past and retell its history?) But since obviously, I was more flattered than embarrassed, I gladly obliged considering that everything I would divulge, I'd already reconciled and taken with a grain of salt. And also since I think stories of hope and triumph and strength over adversity and all that good stuff always makes for a good story.

Especially if it's true.

As mine was.

I suppose the only thing hard about writing it was the fact that I knew my boyfriend would want to read it. (Because I could seriously give a flying f*ck what other people would think). And also since I didn't want to hide behind a pseudonym. See, my boyfriend (God love him) holds me in the highest regard and treats me with the kind of respect I have never known or at least, recognized ever before from a partner. It almost makes me flush to think that he actually sees me as an angel in a way... and how he's happy seeing me as that. I mean, it's not a complete lie... I can be very angelic... but I'm definitely no saint, that's for goddamn sure. (And I ate meat yesterday, SO SUE ME.) But going back...

I thought it was my duty to be honest, to not short-change anyone with regard to what I knew and experienced. Because then, it would've just made everything that ever happened to me useless and in vain. Sharing it with other people makes it... the pain, the hardship, the many "f*ck-overs"... more like certificate-worthy experiences rather than just sick, painful lessons thrown at me by an unjust and merciless God.

And I didn't and don't ever wanna go out like that.

Besides, in order to shed light, one must endure the pain of burning.

So... for Metro Magazine's April 2010 Issue I proverbially "set myself on fire" with my "I-Woman" contribution entitled Caught In A Bad Romance.


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This is for two people I'm proud to have liked my work and my honesty:

To Paolo: for reading my un-edited draft... and telling me that it was written well... and that he loved me more than ever after having read it.

And to my sister Roni: who went out of her way to call me and tell me she just bought a copy earlier today and read it... and was proud of me for writing it.

(I am seriously tearing up right now.)

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So if y'all chance upon a copy... and take the time to read it... I hope it imparts the kind of knowledge and wisdom that I hoped it would.