BEFORE you knew.

Do you remember the moment...
Right before you actually knew...
That you liked your partner?

Or the moments right before you had a self-awareness of your partner being someone you truly thought was worth being with?

I do.

(And yes, this is going to be a corny blog and I'm sorry if I don't have anything angst-ridden to write about today... but I'm sure I can conjure something up before this blog ends. =)

But going back to my original thought...

I think about it sometimes... when I'm sitting beside him in the car. Whenever I rub his neck and head as he drives, or I plug in my iPod and start singing to Fiona Apple or Cat Power or Joss Stone whilst using my phone as a mic (as I ALWAYS need a mic, even if it's a pretend one). I look at him... and I think about how we got to where we are. How I ended up in his car. How he ended up holding my hand. How he and I ended up being crazy in love and what not.

Do y'all think about that? Do those things cross your minds?

Because it crosses mine. And it's fun. It's like one of those hypothetical, philosophical What the F's that just blow the mind... but in a good way.

I remember texting him. I think it was me who texted first. Probably. Before I knew I liked him. Or at least, liked him liked him. I texted him something about being drunk and having a killer hangover. I was at my desk at the office. I texted him about all the vodka I'd had the night before... and how I was nursing a hangover with campbell's soup and musiq soulchild. He said something about soup and raphael saadiq. Then the other time he texted me first... just to tell me that the song Anything by SWV feat. Wu Tang Clan (a song which I'd suggested that he played) was a great Sunday driving song. I responded by telling him that I was glad he liked it... and that I was already getting drunk at 3 in the afternoon.

Of course, all of that seemed rather commonplace and trivial at the time (because I was seriously drunk 90% of the time, hahaha). I mean, those messages didn't even amount to much... not a meeting or a potential date. They were just... informative text messages.

Thinking about those messages now... in retrospect... I think about how that seemingly trivial correspondence was exactly what founded our relationship. Like how it would've been if God had screamed in our ears while we typed those messages, saying something like, "She's THE ONE, fool!! You're being so nonchalant but she's the fucking one! Oh boy, you are so gonna get it." after which He laughs His hearty, but loving "because I am all-knowing like that and you are just a mere stupid mortal" type laugh.

I enjoy the way the universe works like that.

And that's really all I wanted to say. I was just seriously wondering if other people think the way I do. It's pretty fun... to want to understand your own relationship... to why you are where you are and how. To try to pinpoint a pivotal moment. I guess it's something obsessive/compulsive people like me do. To deconstruct love just to have the pleasure of putting the pieces back together... just so you can see the bigger picture.

Which reminds me...
I'm supposed to buy a 1000pc. jigsaw puzzle... for myself.


.....


PS. I have a slight hang-over whilst typing this. Goddamn you FLAMING DR. PEPPER and the devil-bartender at Bugsy's Makati... Mark aka Motherfuckin' Hades. (But love love to my next favorite couple, Roni and Prince... for the intellectual talks on couplehood and why we Callanta girls don't like ugly deadpan ex-girlfriends with huge gums and those who work at Bloomingdales, hahahaha!!!)

I drink hatorade to sober up. =P

PPS. Above picture was taken around the time Paolo still failed to realize just how AWESOME I was after he met me. My last SNL as a Paolo-free woman, hahahaha! (Whoops, some guy was trying to hold my shoulder. Yikes.)