Then What?

Maybe it's the arrow that seems to automatically and mercilessly go straight to 120lbs. on the weighing scale...
Maybe... it's the 1200 calorie-a-day diet program "the Sexy Chef" has put me on
Maybe... it's the fact that I've been eating precisely rationed gourmet food out of a tupperware since Monday.
Maybe... it's because I haven't been able to have a drink SINCE Monday and won't be able to until after my two-week diet.
Maybe... it's my latest obsession to count calories just to EARN my next glass of alcohol (in case I decide I need to cheat)... preferrably, red wine (which I have to start practicing to like)

Or maybe...

Because I'm getting old. And for the first time... (and I seriously had this epiphany last night)... I felt compelled to finally question a probable decision's merit and well... actual point.

See last night... one of my favorite local bands had a gig. A band I haven't seen in a while, some the actual godfathers of my daughter. It was also my fiance's band sponsor's event --- a night of classic hip-hop, Tanduay, proudly Pinoy gear, and space cookies.

Definitely two events Pao and I wouldn't have hesitated to make cameos in... on a normal day.

But yesterday...

He and I were actually torn. And there it was, the slow reduction (but surprisingly, happy reduction) that comes with having only a singular love. The kind that's timid and keeps to itself. The kind that's happily... lethargic. The kind that "reduces" the things that were once perhaps, important and integral in a relationship... or even, one's sense of being. Like... going out. Getting drunk. Mingling.

I sat on the floor and looked up as I watched him trying to properly install the sega genesis emulator onto his PC.

"Then what?" I asked, as we contemplated our actually going out while playing the events that would occur if we did out in our heads.

I mean, it wasn't the problem of being uncomfortable or that we didn't like the crowd or we didn't have money to burn or we were too tired.

I think I have finally become aware of the fact that, on its very basic level, anywhere would've been fine so long as I was with him. And if being with him didn't require to spend so much, or wear us out, or take the time to get dressed... then our home and staying in would be just fine... with my favorite friends, the airconditioner, 32-inch flatscreen tv, dvds, and the helluh ghetto monopoly game we bought at the local supermarket.

Of course, he didn't mind that I also enjoyed dancing around in my underwear whilst shaking my hips IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. =p

*cue HOW LOW by Ludacris* Who needs to party when the party is AT MY BODY! hahahahahaha!!! (I'm kidding)

Ok wait, I don't feel comfortable leaving this obviously romantic blog with a Ludacris video so I'll put this one up instead (Can't believe Pao was the one who actually found this song =) (Thank you for the song, Waffle. It's us. It's really us.)

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By the way, George Clooney's UP IN THE AIR is an amazing film.