Monkey see, monkey do

Question: If you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend… do you take down/throw away/store their photos/your photos together or not?

When I was much younger, I used to hold these semi-massive “bonfires” where I’d take all of my “ex-as-of-late’s” memorabilia, particularly the loveletters and the studio pictures (y’all remember THAT?!) and set them on FIRE… and I’d watch them shrivel up and curl into this ghastly, unnatural crumple, our faces melting away into the cloud of smoke and orange… perhaps the last painful blow you would allow those words and those images to ever give you because the mere absence of feeling anything remotely resembling affection for this person you once knew in some distant memory, you must’ve cared enough about to be with… just doesn’t seem right. And this feeling… this guilt, most if not all the time, is met with not so much as a brave face… but a nonchalant one. Or maybe… an obvious melancholy unconsciously suppressed by nonchalance… that still manages a choked sigh after every gust of wind.

Other times, it was more like, “Good riddance motherf*cker” as I held his picture up against the lighter, with almost the sick sense of glee as that of a pyromaniac or those kids who get off on pouring alcohol on anthills or salt on snails or like this old guy I saw one time who was crouched by his plants and was spraying them with Baygon or Lysol or some other aerosol.

Either way…

I never kept memorabilia. And my break-ups (ok, I’m talking about the REAL ones, not the pseudo-I can’t take this shit anymore whilst undergoing some sort of anxiety attack-type breakup)… are always final.

*cry cry sniff sniff sob sob*

Ok moving on.

Besides… I had this naturally haughty coping mechanism that convinced me that THEY didn’t deserve my memory.

Hence the bonfires.

Even the jewelry… I gave away to our maids. Or returned. I never liked jewelry all that much anyway.

I kept the clothes and the bags, though. *shrugs*

 

The only memory (and memorabilia) I kept was that of my daughter’s father… But I think only because those were her memories and I had no right to them. No right to deny her her identity.

 

But yeah.

 

In general. I don’t keep memorabilia.

 

Then there’s the whole social networking thing ----

*cue lifechanging experience*

So… one time… circa my early 20s… I had this boyfriend. A nice guy. But more rich than nice. I mean it’s hard to have a relationship with someone who keeps you at arm’s length and thinks material things can compensate for being an absentee boyfriend. (Love didn’t cost a thing to me back then, hahaha). So we broke up because the romantic me would have never settled for something that superficial.  Only a few weeks later, he goes out with a model. (Can we shatter my ego any more than that?)

 Now… he and I had these photos… which I had put up on my Friendster account ----

Oh speaking of Friendster, I actually still have mine. *beams proudly* I even kinda sorta fixed it yesterday – even editing it so that it’s a more accurate description of my updated life. But really, I keep it up because of the testimonials. Call it narcissistic. But I was always described as a beauty with brains and to Hell if I’m gonna erase such flattering compliments. *winks*

But going back…

So Friendster. He and I had this photo... which I didn’t erase. Which I even kept as a profile picture. Even though he already had a girlfriend. And yes… even though he called me up to ask me to take them down because his girlfriend didn’t like them though he himself didn’t care if I kept them or not. (Of course I went ballistic on him and told him they were MY photos and he had no right to them) But honest to God, I only kept it up because I LOOKED GOOD IN THE PHOTO. Seriously. It was a lovely shot, with neither of us looking into the camera so our images were obscured.

 

But fine. It didn’t seem right. So I photoshopped his image so that it looked like he was a painting and I was real. It was my means of compromising. I guess his girlfriend didn’t like the “artwork” I had created because the next day…

She “report user-ed” my account. (I know this because my own ex admitted that she totally hated me… not that she knew me or anything, but because I was smart and stuff and she felt threatened by that. =)

But yeah.

Customer service said my pictures were “racy.”

And at that moment, I wished my account had been deleted. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with his and her shit. I mean… I could’ve given them both shit in return. Not like I cared about them. Not that I was jealous she was with him. *purses lips* Ok… maybe… I wanted to spite him more than her. She didn’t do anything to me. She didn’t steal him away. And then it dawned on me… after customer service put my account back up.

The picture wasn’t worth it. The memory wasn’t worth it. She was his. And they were together. And I was obviously hurting her and their relationship. And for what? For a guy’s photo who no longer had a space in my heart. So why was I making space for him in my account? She was just being protective and yes, unwittingly, undeniably, but understandably selfish of her relationship because she loved him and he must’ve cared about her to have to tell me to take the photos down… and I was being deliberately distasteful towards a relationship principle I completely agreed with.

So I took them down.

And that was that. (He ended up being a prick to her so… yeah. Whatevs, right?)

 

…..

 

Now. I don’t care. I don’t have a Facebook. The exes can keep all their photos there. They can hide them or make them private so that their friends are the only ones who can see it. (Because their friends are probably the only ones who can condone their obvious hang-up. Or more likely because your friends don’t give a shit about your keepsakes. They’ll just think you’re desperate. But they’ll never tell you that to your face. Because that’s what facebook friends are for. Besides… people only care about what’s happening to you NOW. That’s why you really have to keep those status messages or tweets a-coming. Or else your friends will get bored. I guess friends nowadays have really short attention spans. =)

So thank you to those who take the time to read my long-ass nonsensical blogs. =)