Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

There aren't a lot of things I would actually want to forget or I haven't learned to forget already. The bad things... the things that used to be so frighteningly vivid become these distant outside pictures in my head, like things you'd seen in a movie, completely detached from you in way and connected only by the sort of empathy you might have felt for the character that WAS you only you're not that person anymore.

Did that make sense?

I guess if there's one thing I'd like to forget (and it's not the person in the picture above), it would be how fast a life can easily be taken away from you. And people don't fully fathom the repercussions that are left behind when someone passes. The hurt that's left, the creeping emptiness... its inevitability.

These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence. The connections, sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent, that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it.

(We miss you, Mark.)

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

It was hard so... f*ck it. I choose these two.

Maldives with my husband and Ibiza, Spain with fam, friends and party-freaks.

Was never all that "tourist-y" of a person anyway. I wanna go to a place and become ONE with my surroundings... to feel, smell, taste, touch it and not just capture it with a camera and move onto the next picture-worthy monument.

I would like to see Stonehenge someday.

Day 19 - A picture of something you love to do

Although... I honestly don't think I have the heart to do it [as much] anymore. Like literally. My heart starts to hurt after too much drinking...

Or is it drinking too fast? *shrugs*

I just need to learn to:

Pace
Drink water
Like other drinks that are less... potent.

Live your life and stay young on the floor.

Day 18 - A picture of the sexiest woman alive

Here's to full-figured women who aren't afraid to eat. (Hahahahahaha yeah I'm totally channeling Monica Belluci, I don't care, she's frikkin' hot and I want to look like her when I grow up.)

More cushion for the pushin'.

.....

And here's a picture of the sexiest woman... NOT alive.

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”

— Marilyn Monroe

Because admitting to life's frailties and seeing the beauty in perseverance is very, very SEXY.

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

                                                Mr. and Mrs. Paolo Toledo

***And no, we didn't get married in New Zealand (my intern made it look like we did though).

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

She and I fought last night. You know when people say they're about to lose it without really knowing what it is exactly they're about to lose? I knew. I was two seconds away from losing my mind and my senses and my calm and my reason.

And yet I also knew that had I allowed myself to actually lose any of the aforementioned, I would've risked losing more than I could ever bear to lose...

I could've lost her. Her love and respect. Her affection. Her loyalty.

I've never been more guilty to fight with anybody. And it's not fair, really. One day, she won't need me anymore. And she won't miss me. And yes, there are days when I too wish she weren't home and I was free to, in the very least, move. But everything I do now is because of her. Even the way I love my family, my husband, my work, my friends. She's become that benchmark. She's that guiding principle. I guess it's because I know she's not truly mine, that's why I can't really ever impose anything on her because I don't own her. You can only allow her to teach you.

And though it may not make sense to be inspired by a child who can seem like the devil incarnate, I think it's her willingness and readiness to make everything OK that makes her such an example. She teaches me to be better... for her. And for others. By being herself. Even when I've just about lost it.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

***And I was seriously fighting back tears while I was typing this AND listening to this song:

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