F*ck n' Go

No you really don’t care about her

You just wanna fuck her then go

And she let’s you do it to her over and over again

‘Cause when you’re inside her, it makes her hope

 

That you could fall in love again

That you could fall in love once again

That you would stay this time til the end

That it’s her you’ll want, no one else

 

And she has to hide every hint of wanting you

‘Cause she feels so sad, she’s just mad without you

But you’re so indifferent, with or without her

And she’s find it so hard to act cool

And make you think she doesn’t care

That she’s only playing, but she’s really praying

 

That you could fall in love again

That you could fall in love once again

That you would stay this time til the end

That it’s her you’ll want, no one else

 

She has to try to hide her love away

Try not to wanna see you everyday

So you’ll think she’s only playing, but she’s really crying

Oh, her faith has been worn, this game has been lost

 

If she would fall in love again

If she could fall in love once again

Should she stay next time, til the end

If it’s her he’ll want, no one else

 

No one else…

 

***Song by Mating Season --- and sung by my favorite smitten kitten, Kat.

 

(I still have it in my little red notebook! And I still remember how the song sounds, too.)

 

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Among all the books I’ve read --- from Kundera, Marquez, Ludlum, King, Andrews, Gibran… I have to say that I’m still my own favorite author. Hahahaha! And my favorite book is still my own Little Red Notebook (which is really a diary of sorts). I read it whenever I feel… uninspired, I suppose, since it reminds me of so many lessons I’ve already learned and all of the other things I’ve accomplished and overcome in the past few years --- when I was at a point in my life where I became fully conscious and aware of all the things I was doing. That’s why I decided to write in it. And that’s why it’s still with me despite my many false promises to burn it.

 

***The abovementioned lyrics were given to me by a good friend of mine. I was privileged enough to have some of her work, her experiences fill some of its pages. If I could, I’d let anyone write in it (like I did before when I was in college except with another notebook --- which was supposed to be for school but alas, I was too lazy to take down notes and I didn’t want to put to waste a perfectly usable notebook =)… then you’ll realize how therapeutic it is to just let it all out on paper --- even if no one else understands its real context. At least, you do. And ultimately, that’s all that really matters.

 

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This was MY own little version of “Fuck n’ Go”:

 

He was right there just a moment ago

Right there… on your right

His scent still on the sheets,

On the pillow you’re holding tight

 

He’s been gone for hours, you don’t care where

‘Cause you’re sure he’ll be returning while you waited for him there

 

That’s what you said a few days ago

‘Cause that’s what he told you

He said he’d be returning,

And you believed him, too

 

He was right there just a moment ago

Right there… on your right

You were still holding the pillow,

Holding his words tight

 

But you already knew, didn’t you?

You knew it all along

He was right there… on your right

When everything went wrong