BOMBSHELL, MY ASS.

This is for my sister... who, despite the unusual amount of misfortune she seems to attract, will always ALWAYS have my full-on, all-out support when it comes to her sharing her grievances as well as her accomplishments.

Unfortunately...

*cue Alfred Hitchcock suspense-thriller background musical score*


.....


Her "bombshell feature" in Uno Magazine's September 2009 issue was absolutely (and I mean, ABSO-fucking-LUTELY)...

Ridiculous.

***Hell, I wanna laugh because I can't even find the words to describe just how DISGUSTING the illustrations (yes they were illustrations, NOT photos) of her were. The article was fine.Typical of the Uno Mag that I've grown to like so much.

But damn...

I could barely look at the GARBAGE that was SUPPOSED to be MY SISTER.

Like *cue valleygirl ditzie sarcasm* SERIOUSLY?

SERIOUSLY?

*deep breath*

Ok.

I work for a magazine. Been working for one for three years. Been lifestyle editor for about a year and a half. Now, I'm not gonna say that I'm a fucking guru when it comes to the business but I AM GONNA SAY that I know what looks good. I know THAT frikkin' much. And my beautiful, Teresa Herrera-looking little sister DID NOT LOOK GOOD IN THOSE ILLUSTRATIONS. And what I wanna know is ----- WHO THE HELL ALLOWED THOSE HIDEOUS, AMATEUR WORKS TO BE PRINTED???!!!! Did not ONE PERSON during the ENTIRE PROOFING PROCESS have the brains and the discerning eye and the BALLS to say, "Hey! These drawings are ugly as fuck. What the Hell is this crap? Is this a joke??? Are we really gonna put these in here? Where are the actual photos? Why don't we just steal some photos from Veronica's multiply and use those instead since we're already pressed for time?"

At this point, y'all are probably gonna try to google the pics (or maybe even go as far as actually buying a copy just to satisfy your curiousity)... which is fine (I mean, "whatevs," right?) So I guess it would be ok to mention that those fugly-ass drawings of my sister were NUDE. Fine. Nude. I GET "NUDE". Hell, I DID "nude" when I was in college, lying down in front of 30+ art students buck nekkid as they moved from one spot of the room to the other to try to draw as many angles of me as possible. And I did that shit FOR FREE. I just got to choose whoever's drawing I liked to keep as my own.

I still have it ---- AND IT LOOKED GOOD. I looked like fucking Rose in Titanic.

Nude is fine. But UNO MAGAZINE'S PORTRAYAL OF MY LITTLE SISTER'S BODY WAS A LIE. A lie. And THAT'S A PROBLEM.

They should've just pasted her head onto Olivia Wilde's kickass body instead and called it "art" or whatever the people at UNO think "art" should be. (I use the term "people" loosely as I dunno who wants to own up to the dumbfuck decision of sticking with those illustrations.)

WHO WAS AT PROOFING?! By the way, for those who don't know, "proofing" is when the editors and art/creative directors get together and print out rough copies of each page of the entire magazine to "proofread" and "edit" before it goes to the actual printers for FINAL PRINTING. At least, that's how we at Gadgets do it. And it's a tedious fucking process but very important. And yeah, I know ours isn't perfect (tao lang, diba?). But if there is something MAJORLY WRONG with say, an article or a picture, WE WILL CALL EACH OTHER OUT ON IT. We will debate, cuss, shout, send derogatory text messages to each other until we can all find some sort of agreement.

Whoever agreed to print those pictures (AND TO DO A CENTERFOLD OF SORTS???!!!!! --- Seriously???!!!! Gosh, I thought mag space was helluh expensive?!!!) --- is visually-challenged. (Ugh, I'm so grossed out, I'm making words up.)

I'm just saying.

My sister trusted UNO. Theirs was a gross betrayal of her trust and they took advantage of her generosity (as some of the UNO staff are her friends). The illustrations, at this point, aren't even the issue. Hell, it's not even OF HER. Just an ugly body with a face that SORTA looks like her. The issue is the betrayal. The unprofessionalism. The nerve.

I am very disappointed.

....
....
....

Earlier today, Veronica and I came from our friend, Mark's final mass before the convoy to his actual funeral. It's been a stressful time for us and for those who held Mark dear. Today, I also learned that the creative director of UNO once said that the shoot I did with Veronica (I got her to model for me for a music feature, as one of my first gigs as a lifestyle/beauty editor)... didn't "capture" her true beauty.

Or something to that effect.

*Rubs wrinkles on forehead*

Really? *in same aforementioned valley girl tone*

I thought my sister looked "HOT" with her signature yorkie, overexaggerated smoky-eye makeup, holding up Inky's (of the Brigada fame) heavy-ass guitar up against her nude body and the tattoos she wore proudly.

Sure, it may have been cliche.

But at least it wasn't UGLY. More importantly, at least it was HONEST. There was INTEGRITY in it. And Veronica is as professional a model as they come. I was proud of her then and I'm proud of her now. She is beautiful. I am sorry UNO failed to "capture" that.

Sayang. Loss nila yun.