Wild Sex.

Ok so I was watching the Discovery Channel a few weeks back and finally caught one of their highly-educational programs about the sexual preferences and mating rituals of "lower"animals (though sometimes, I still don't see how we became the better species and perhaps, God should've just let the ants rule in our place...)

But anyway...

So I was watching Wild Sex, see, and the episode was about "deviant sexual behavior" of those in the animal kingdom (not including ours since any deviant form of sexual behavior on our end, you can easily watch on Law and Order Special Victims Unit).

...................

There are transvestite garter snakes. Yes. Transvestite snakes. And when they mate, they gather in this massive, shallow pool of slippery, slithery snake spaghetti, all vying to f*ck the much larger, but very few female snakes... who are victims of violent prodding and poking by overzealous, horny little noodles. Since some male snakes can't compete, the "transvestite" male snakes have the ability to emit the same female hormone that help the male snakes determine where the female is in all the orgy-like confusion. Once the transvestites have fooled the other males, they can freely begin to search for the real female without much hindrance.

Unfortunately, some of the male snakes are fooled too much to a fault and as an occupational hazard, some transvestites are first raped into submission before they can go about their business of heterosexual mating.

Wow.

What some men would do for a little booty, ey? *ahem*

Moving on...

Then there's the seahorse. (Now, I don't think the men would like this to ever happen to them though I think most women would find this strangely romantic). When the male and the female mate, the females eggs are sucked in by the male and are fertilized inside him. So for the duration of the child-bearing process, it's the male with the big ol' belly fending for himself while the female only visits him ocassionally.

Now where in the evolutionary process did WE go wrong????

Jeez.

....................

But apparently, the most deviant form of sexual behavior in the animal kingdom is...

*drum roll please*
*drum rolling*
*drum still rolling*

***you wouldn't believe...

MONOGAMY.

Penguins, Seagulls, Swans.

Humans.

..........................

Let's defy the norm, shall we? *wink wink*

...

Peace, love, and Mariska Hargitay everyone.
(If y'all haven't seen Love Guru, then you suck.)