Freshmen.

In light of random, UN-fortuitous events, it has forced me to ponder upon the subject of "friends" and just how important genuine friendship is to a person. I suppose you could say I was given some inspiration... a muse came my way, so much like myself... someone of such unbending faith and loyalty, someone always willing to help... and sometimes, also willing to drive her own self crazy while attempting to make other people "uncrazy". Because that's what friends do --- they are our pillars of strength, our devil's advocates, our unsilent mirrors... the ones who will go to Hell and back with you... sometimes, even FOR you... without anything in return except for maybe... just maybe, a small, humble acknowledgement, that their presence... their very existence... helped you realize your better self. Because more often than not, you really are as strong as your friends say you are.

And because I was able to keep a lot of memorabilia from back when I was still in school, here are three letters I wrote to each of my three good friends before I had to take that final march as a UP student. I began each letter with this:

“For the life of me, I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise. For the life of me, I cannot believe we’d ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen…”

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Sis Monna,

We’ve been together since day one of the UPLB experience… since the days of Mcdivith (ok, more like one day cuz you guys didn’t come back for our block meetings)… since we began to cut class just to go to Tambayan Online for a few beers… since we joined UP Socius and you and I became the automatic “favorites” of the brods… since the days of love… of trial and error… of fooling around… of failing econ 11… since your pregnancy (should I make that plural? =)… since our drunken days… our sullen days… our drunken days… our crying ladies drama… our drunken days… our bandaged hands… (oh and did I mention our drunken days?)…

We’ve been thru so much (and I know that that itself is an understatement)… we’ve been thru more than most girls our age and then some… we’ve faltered and fallen… we’ve risen and we’ve vomited… we’ve taken things forgranted and we’ve thanked God for all of our blessings… for passing Soc 198 under the influence of “the Horse”… we’ve conquered life and love and fear with every meeting at KA and every gulp of our coffee (biosci especially)… even if you’ve spilled half of your cup on your hand… and smoked like a chimney… we held on to each others hands, tears, laughs, smiles, and bitchy remarks… thru it all… we simply were… the best of friends.

This is actually hard for me. I’ve written a good 500plus papers to some of the toughest professors known to man yet… I still have such a difficult time expressing just how significant our friendship was to my college life and how it still makes such an impression on my life as I’m living it.

I don’t wanna bullshit… and I don’t wanna make this too serious (because you and I were never really serious about ANYTHING)… and that’s what made us such an incomparable, inseparable pair – our ability to shrug things off when everybody else was stressing about school and their significant others and other melodramatic instances that life has to offer. But I guess I want you to see just how sincere this really is… even though I’m forever going to hike on you and drei about shopping at broadway gems. =P

God knows that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you as my confidant. You taught me a lot, Sis. And for someone who thinks that she knows everything, there you are to shed new light… and make me feel stupid for being such a relentless bitch, haha! But then again, you were also one of the few people who saw right thru that… and accepted and loved me for who I was… and that’s probably one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever received… and I am deeply indebted to you and the precious memories you’ve given me. They will definitely be reiterated and reminisced in the years ahead.

If you were a crayon… you’d be a pink.

From the bottom of this merciless, tactless, retarded heart… I thank you.

You will always, always have a friend and a sister in me. (And I better stop this before I start crying… =)

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Sis Dre,

Stunning…

Hun, you and I both know that that’s hardly an adjective fit for a woman like you. (I guess that’s also why I never really liked you much in the beginning… aside from being GJ’s supposed girlfriend =) You reminded me of… myself. (And that’s a f*cking compliment so be thankful!) Hard, relentless, unfazed… cool calm and utterly reserved… you were always my standard of grace and unbreakable loyalty. Never in a million years would I have dreamed that you would become one of my favorite people during our UPLB experience. (Oh god, I feel like crying now…)

I thought I was ok with the friends I had (well maybe just Monna)… but surprisingly and fortunately, you came along and joined UP Socius… and I found another friend who would serve as one of my sources of strength and inspiration. I learned that it’s ok to cry and that it was never a sign of weakness to admit to a broken heart. That was such a hard lesson to learn… for the both of us, I guess… but with you right there… I found a cushion and a ray of light and hope that perhaps someday, we would find it, hold it, and never let it go.

Then again, we were usually drunk out of our minds when we had those epiphanies so I don’t know whether I should’ve taken those days seriously. Hahahaha!!!

My down-ass bitch… shit… I feel like the most beautiful girl around you and your constant words of encouragement (and flattery). And whenever I felt like I was fucking up being president, you were always there to remind me of your unbending faith. I simply could not ask more out of our friendship. And to this day, I would like to be there to give back all that you’ve so generously given me… as a sister and a friend.

I wouldn’t want anyone else to be with me when it comes to hiking on the exes and the not-so-exes but will be soon with our conniving, hehehe!

And if you would allow it… I would want to be there when that heart of yours is finally tamed. (So I can make fun of you for being such a girl and so that GJ and I can get you and Monna a new wallet for your wedding. =)

But even if it doesn’t and you grow up to be a lonely spinster who’s successfully conquered the corporate world… I would still want to be there to pour you your first glass of Paradise when you wanna rant about why men seem to like those innocent-looking but ugly-ass girls named after fruits who can’t write comprehensive sentences and don’t know how to use grammar check when writing their papers. =P

If ever all of that comes to pass (God-forbid)… I wish that you retain that haughty self-impression of yours that’s beautiful, remarkable, and absolutely…

Stunning.

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Brod GJ,

What do you say to your reflection? For someone who is like me in almost every single way… I don’t think I really would know what to say without meaning the same things for myself.

I’ll try to keep the melodrama short…

GJ… you will always be the man who will keep me guessing. Perfection would’ve been achievable with you… but then again… two pathologically perfect people were never meant to be together in such a cruel world… with us as king and queen reigning over it with utter criticism and cynicism.

But knowing you like knowing me, there is a shade you possess that’s soft, admirable, and maybe even hopelessly romantic. And to have been given the chance to see that more tender side is truly overwhelming… because it inspires me to accept who I am.

Of course I won’t ever forget the dominant bitch in you… that quality of yours that’s made me laugh ridiculously with such fervor (girlfriend, fervor means passion, hehehe!). The metrosexual friend I’ve grown to love so much… even if love is still undefined and overrated… sometimes, all it takes is a beer and a few Christmas songs to help us put our walls down and show a side of vulnerability… but only between you and me.

To be completely honest… there are moments when I wonder what it would be like if you and I were… together. (But when I remember how much of a manwhore you are, I realize how grateful I am that we’re just friends, Clammy, hahahaha!!!)

This is like a self-profession because all that I want for you is all I’ve ever wanted for me… or at least, all I’ve ever cared to admit. I want you to find the one thing you shun and abhor… or think you hate… and love it to the point that you can’t live without it. I want you to be as passionate with love as you are with your creative talent… and dancing prowess, you gay sex-bomb dancer wanna-be, hahaha!!! But at the same time, I want you to retain the funny, tactless, attitude problem you have… the star complex that’s inspired me and Monna and Dre to not take shit from anyone… to continue making fun of people who are wearing ugly clothes or who walk funny or who trip in front of us… even if they don’t deserve our mean-girl demeanor.

And I want you to be there when I need someone to debate with me whenever I’m turning into a Marcos... over cigarettes, coffee, and maybe a few beers.

I love you, GJ. (Oooh… the vomit just came into my mouth… =)

You’re why I’m so proud to be me… and I don’t think there will ever be anyone I consider as close to my ideals as you. (Then again, my ideals are all fucked up anyway.) You make being sexy, naughty, bitchy look so damn hot!!


LOVE,

Michelle

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Taken after I had just given birth and looking like shit --- from left fo right: Guise, Drei, Me, Monna, and GJ

(I love them to pieces...)

One of these days, I shall take my pen and paper and write everyone who's ever touched my life significantly, in a big or small way. (Maybe this Christmas... =)

But right now... you are acknowledged... and appreciated. Thank you for sticking by me... even if it meant going against your loyalties. If it's any consolation, at least your principles were in check. And thank you for keeping MY principles in check. It may not mean much to you, but it certainly means much to me. Thank you for going crazy to make me UN-crazy. =)

Thank you, thank you.